I am feeling...

...that things are spiralling out of control.

Why is it that you seem to be in grasp of what is going on, and suddenly, you just lose all of it, and throw yourself into it together without realising it?

How can all of this happen altogether in a single instant? (OK, maybe not all at once but the realisation hits *wham* just like that)

And then you are acutely aware of everything, yet you can't (or probably didn't) do anything about it. But then again, it has been more than one instance that I have wondered if there is anything I can do even when I wanted to.

This is not something I readily admit but I hate being not in control.

Yes, call me a control freak or any other whats-not that you can come up with, but I absolutely loathe this feeling. That feeling of......helplessness......backed into a corner......walking into a trap....

I'm not stupid, neither am I thick. But this is just like the time when you're driving on the highway and you noticed that you have to brake and you found the brakes aren't really working that well? And then you start to panic. And do something stupid. Or something worse.

See? This is why I don't want to see that. Nobody can think when they panic.

I really need to get out of this.