I am feeling...

...that things are spiralling out of control.

Why is it that you seem to be in grasp of what is going on, and suddenly, you just lose all of it, and throw yourself into it together without realising it?

How can all of this happen altogether in a single instant? (OK, maybe not all at once but the realisation hits *wham* just like that)

And then you are acutely aware of everything, yet you can't (or probably didn't) do anything about it. But then again, it has been more than one instance that I have wondered if there is anything I can do even when I wanted to.

This is not something I readily admit but I hate being not in control.

Yes, call me a control freak or any other whats-not that you can come up with, but I absolutely loathe this feeling. That feeling of......helplessness......backed into a corner......walking into a trap....

I'm not stupid, neither am I thick. But this is just like the time when you're driving on the highway and you noticed that you have to brake and you found the brakes aren't really working that well? And then you start to panic. And do something stupid. Or something worse.

See? This is why I don't want to see that. Nobody can think when they panic.

I really need to get out of this.

A little encouragement

For me.

For those who don't already know, I'm charged with the duty of being the target for new product development at my company.

The theme? Personalised Health Management.

Of course, this will be a multi-faceted product but what other forms of wellness / health centre is complete without its *ahem* weight management *ahem* similar sort of programme?

Well, so that's me. In the business development meeting, and then I probably accidentally wore that shirt of mine with the imaginary dartboard figure, and so I got a bullseye. No, correction. The bullseye was me.

So on I went along with the program, half expecting it not to work since all these things don't exactly work for me, never had, and I never expected it to anyway.

But 10 days down the line, am I pleasantly surprised that I've actually made some progress. And now a little bit more.

I don't exactly know how much to expect from this, but every little thing actually does help. Just like some encouragement to go on. So I'm fairly pleased with myself for the effort, coz it does need that bit of motivation in things like this.

So after the first results meeting, they've decided to do this again, so to see to what extent it's going to continue to work. For me, except for the tiny bit of discomfort, it will be a fair price to pay for the favorable end result.

It's been a Wii bit fun

You know...my hands are practically hanging off my shoulders at the moment.

The reason?

Wii...

This is not the first time, but looking at the last time when I played Wii, which was in February, I ended up worse on previous occasions. It's just so annoying coz Sunday's cleaning day and I've hardly got enough strength to carry things around and so I've got to order people around to do it instead. (OK, maybe this is the only perk I get out of cleaning the house this week)

It's like really nice to play party games on Wii because loads of people can take part. But to have worked over the weekend, then play Wii....expecially boxing...OK, that's probably a bit too much. And I'm like slightly regretting it right now. I'm like so tired right now! (Maybe it's also for the fact that I got back only at 4) but then again my body doesn't remotely feel like mine at the moment and I seem to feel like it's detached from me. HAHA!

But then again, it's been fun, and I'm not the only one who's "suffering" the consequences. So, looking on the bright sight, it's not too bad at all! :)

Some updates

Finally!

I'm taking 2 days off work just to chill at home. I'm so bloody tired even though I've had loads of sleep.

Now I know my blog's dormant, but I really have nothing to update despite my hectic schedule. Oh, maybe I'll just tell you all a bit about what I've been doing. And here's my list:

1. Work
2. Work
3. Work
4. Work

And it goes on and on and on... Unbelievable, eh?

I can't believe that this job has consumed all my time and energy that I'm too drained to do anything else on most days. And why, some of you may ask, that I'm so tired when I'm supposed to do a 9 to 5 job?

Because I never get to do 9 to 5. Sure, I'll only get into work at 9, but I never, I repeat, NEVER, get to go home at 5. I don't know why but people here seem to work like that. And that's all I can do to keep up; stay back after 5.

It's just like, you know, nobody gets to get any work done before 5, and they're always only, ONLY ever free to do their work after the official working hours, and they make you stay back and do extra stuff because they need it by the end of the day, and they don't even bother telling you to do it early in the morning, or the day before, when they knew about something that you have to do. So everyone just assumes that everyone else have loads of time to do something because they just assume that EVERYONE is going to stay back after 5 and work till their brains fall out.

No, seriously. Take today for example, I'm just on my annual leave. My pathetic 2 days off from work coz, God knows, I really need it. But no one called me all day. And I felt so refreshed. No, correction, ECSTATIC, just because no one has called me all day. Until 5pm that is.

Call no. 1: Hello, so how's this so and so project going on? Any news?

Call no. 2: Hi, I was told to get back to you on this so and so thing. What do you think about that?

All in the span of 10 minutes. And the shitty part is, when I told them I'm on leave, they continue talking as if I haven't said anything at all and even had to make me put it to them bluntly that I'm not entertaining and they have to go bug someone else until I'm back. And I'm not even holding the company line. The bloody reason why, is so that I don't have to be on-call all the time. Because I'm already practically on-call 24/7 with my personal line. And I'm fed up with that. I don't need accept a company line to push my blood pressure higher up a notch. Honestly.

Some people should just learn that just because you work all the way to midnight, doesn't mean everyone has to follow. Once or twice, maybe. All the time? He or she should get a life. Really.

Merry Christmas and a Pocky New Year

OH MY GOD!!!

I didn't realise that it's been that long since I last updated my blog. Not that there's nothing to be said but just procrastination works in "wondrous" ways. Plus the fact that we all know when the blogging bug strikes you can just go on and on and on. But when it doesn't...well...just say that it's a bit of a literary dry spell.

OK...

Now, why have I sprang back and decided to fill my lonely little blog with a bit of information? That's because I'm bored...and I'm trying to get myself doing something which will take my mind off the stupid itch, as a result from none other than, chickenpox.

Laugh all you like, people out there! Mind you don't choke when you snigger at me. But finally, I've got the thing that I've been dreading for years, worse as it goes by, and this doesn't get any better. The ultimate sign had to appear on Christmas morning, and there goes my nice little Christmas plans that I've been looking forward to.

I don't mind the blisters being there and all, and the fact that my throat feels so tight and dry that I can hardly drink water. But the itch...OMG, the itch!!!

IT IS KILLING ME!!!

And since I don't wanna risk having crater like pockmarks for the rest of my life, I'm wriggling like a worm in the hours when I'm awake, and pretending that the nothing is going on when I'm asleep.

I seriously can't wait for this to be over. It had better be soon.

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!